Official Jokes Thread

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Tackett
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Post by Tackett » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:29 pm

Mythic that is the funniest shit I have ever read. Did you make that up or did you find it somewhere?

This is my favorite part of the whole game
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin ***
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
The whole thing was very accurate as well. Well done. Still LMFAO.

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Post by Mythic » Tue Sep 11, 2007 3:22 pm

Tackett wrote:Did you make that up or did you find it somewhere?
Well this time my friend send this to me

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Post by Mythic » Fri Oct 12, 2007 9:17 am

An American pilot who had downed a German Messerschmidt, visited the German pilot in the field hospital. Finding the fellow in pretty bad shape, the American asked if he could do anything for him.
The Nazi admitted that he did have a favour to ask. "The leg they amputated, on your next bombing run, could you drop it over Germany?"
"Sure, pal."
It was a pretty weird request, but the pilot was happy to oblige and came back to tell him the mission had been carried out.
The grateful German gasped his thanks, and another request. "The other leg got very bad, they had to cut it off. Could this, too, be dropped over my homeland? It would mean a great deal to me."
The American shrugged, but returned two days later with the news that the job was done.
"Many thanks," whispered the downed Nazi, now ashen faced and unable to lift his head from the pillow. "I have just one final request. Last night they had to amputate my right arm..."
"Now hang on just a darn minute," interrupted the American angrily. "Are you trying to escape?"
-----------------------------------
The Russian and the American presidents are walking along the beach. They start discussing their submarines.
The Russian president says, "We recently have made much progress with our submarines. They can now stay as long under water as yours, for one month."
The American president replies, "Do you not think that we also made progress? Our submarines can now stay under water for two months."
Shortly after this discussion they hear some strange sound coming from the sea. Suddenly a old fashioned looking submarine appears. A hatch opens and a uniformed man appears, "Heil Hitler, meine Herren. Can you tell me whether the war is already over?"

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Post by Shaddowmaster » Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:53 pm

Mythic wrote:The Russian and the American presidents are walking along the beach. They start discussing their submarines.
The Russian president says, "We recently have made much progress with our submarines. They can now stay as long under water as yours, for one month."
The American president replies, "Do you not think that we also made progress? Our submarines can now stay under water for two months."
Shortly after this discussion they hear some strange sound coming from the sea. Suddenly a old fashioned looking submarine appears. A hatch opens and a uniformed man appears, "Heil Hitler, meine Herren. Can you tell me whether the war is already over?"
priceless!

probably wrong in oh-so-many ways, but still priceless :)
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Post by jackash » Fri Jan 18, 2008 6:40 pm

Proberly a lame joke but its off a friend of mine lol anyways.

A man walks into a chip shop, with a fish on his shoulder... he asks the man over the counter, have you got any fish cakes, the man over the counter said No, the man says oh.. (points to fish) its his birthday...

I found it kinda funny.. lol
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Post by Adam » Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:11 pm

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.

The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"

The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these
cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."

The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and
says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is
pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."

The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left
alone with a man! Have you Debbie?"

Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man, I'm still a
virgin!"

The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out of
it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there
something wrong out there doctor?"

The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time
anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise
men came over the hill. And there's no way! I'm going to miss it this
time!!!!
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Post by Gilly » Tue Mar 03, 2009 12:32 pm

This is a pretty crap joke but I'm hoping it might get some grins.

Three odd men were waiting at a bus stop in the middle of nowhere. One had a boomerang, the second a rifle and the last had nothing. Getting tired of waiting for the bus, they started to chat. The first man stood up and said in an Australian accent:
"Back where I'm from, I'm known as Boomerang Bill." He then threw his boomerang over the horizon and it returned to his grasp in a very elegant way.
The second man stood up and said in an American accent: "That's nothing. Back where I'm from, people call me Buffalo Bill." He picked up his rifle, aimed and shot a single leaf off a tree that was a hundred meters away and did so again and again and again.
When he had finished his display of marksmanship, Boomerang Bill and Buffalo Bill looked at the third man. "What about you?" One of them asked. "What's your talent."
The third man stood up and said with an Eastern-European accent: "Well, I really don- Wait!" He then proceeded to pull down his pants and showed the other two men that he had three testicles.
"Back where I'm from," He exclaimed heartily "people call me Cherno-Bill."

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Re: Official Jokes Thread

Post by T_Patch36th » Thu Dec 17, 2009 11:49 pm

Superman was sitting around bored one night so he went to look up his pals for some fun.
He went first to Batman, who said he couldn't go cuz he had to clean the Batcave.
He went to Spiderman second who said he couldn't go because he had to make a new batch of webs.

Discouraged, he was flying high and saw Wonder Woman laying on her back in a field with her legs spread.

Superman man looked around slyly, and with supersonic speed, swooped down, humped Wonder Woman and sped away.

Wonder Woman cried "what the hell was that???"

The Invisible Man cried "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts".
wwii-ww2-hitler-demotivational-post

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Re: Official Jokes Thread

Post by lashley » Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:27 pm

T_Patch36th wrote:Superman was sitting around bored one night so he went to look up his pals for some fun.
He went first to Batman, who said he couldn't go cuz he had to clean the Batcave.
He went to Spiderman second who said he couldn't go because he had to make a new batch of webs.

Discouraged, he was flying high and saw Wonder Woman laying on her back in a field with her legs spread.

Superman man looked around slyly, and with supersonic speed, swooped down, humped Wonder Woman and sped away.

Wonder Woman cried "what the hell was that???"

The Invisible Man cried "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts".
Best one yet :wink:
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Re: Official Jokes Thread

Post by Smithy » Fri Dec 18, 2009 8:46 pm

two guys are sitting around playing contemplating the world...

Guy #1 ask.. how many feet are on four roosters?

Guy#2 says.. 8 in total... why?

Guy #1 ask.. How many wings are on three roosters?

Guy #2 says 6 all together why?

Guy #1 Ask. How come cats always land on their feet?

Guy #2 frustrated says i dunno what are you asking me all these silly questions..

Guy #1 just had to make sure i was right.. and you sure do know alot about Cocks but nothing about pussy.
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Re: Official Jokes Thread

Post by Smithy » Fri Dec 18, 2009 8:55 pm

What does toilet paper and the star ship enterprise have in common?

They both roam around Uranus looking for Klingons
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Re: Official Jokes Thread

Post by keK » Sat Dec 19, 2009 12:07 am

So, I was doin' this guy in the butt right, he turns around and winks at me, so I ask him, 'What are you, gay?'
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Re: Official Jokes Thread

Post by GunCrazy » Sat Dec 19, 2009 2:37 am

keK wrote:So, I was doin' this guy in the butt right, he turns around and winks at me, so I ask him, 'What are you, gay?'
fail.

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Re: Official Jokes Thread

Post by Minter » Wed Mar 24, 2010 6:04 pm

Blonde, Brunette and a Red Head on a deserted island miles from land.

Brunette comes across a lamp buried in the sand, she gives it a rub and a jeanie appears.

The jeanie says, I will grant you 1 wish each!

The brunette wishes to be at home with her family, "poof" shes gone.
The red head wishes to be in a luxury hotel, "poof" shes gone.

The blonde sits there for a while and says, "Im sooo lonely" and wishes the the Red Head and Brunette back to the Island.
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Re: Official Jokes Thread

Post by ent » Wed May 19, 2010 3:04 pm

An elderly man in Kansas had owned a large farm for several Years. He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts,and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

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